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Don't Ph34r the Reaper
is the eighth episode of the series. Synopsis Grif and Simmons flee from the Rookie and Sheila; Grif abandoning Simmons after he had hatched a plan for a joint escape. Once Rookie manages to activate the auto-fire mechanism, the tank begins to systematically target and destroy everything present. Sheila subsequently hits the Warthog, sending it flying, but Grif and Simmons continue to flee and successfully evade the cannon fire. Church becomes the next target, however, and is killed when the Rookie fails to deactivate Shiela's auto-fire operation; Tucker accuses the Rookie of team-killing. Transcript Sheila's turret pointed at Grif, then it turns to face Simmons '' '''Grif': Why is it just sitting there? Simmons: Just trying to mess with our heads. Let's get back to the Warthog. Cut to the view from the tank '' '''Sheila': This tank is equipped with an auto-fire sequence, that can be activated by pressing the auto-fire button. Rookie: Auto-fire, auto-fire, here, here! No, wait... okay that's more a switch than a button... Sheila: (over top of Rookie's lines) This will end the tutorial, and should only be activated if proper safety procedures... Cut to Simmons and Grif '' '''Simmons': Okay, you ready? Let's do this on three. One... Grif: Wait. On three? Or three and then go? Simmons: On three. It's always faster to go on three. Grif: Okay, okay. On three. Cut to the view from the tank '' '''Rookie': Here! Sheila: Tutorial deactivated. Auto-fire sequence activated. Cut to Simmons '' '''Simmons': Ready? Cut to the view from the tank '' '''Sheila': Acquiring target. Cut to Church and Tucker '' '''Church': I'm going for the jeep. Cover me. Cut to Simmons and Grif. Grif is backing away '' '''Simmons': One... Grif turns around and starts running away '' ''Cut to view from the tank, tracking Grif '' '''Sheila': Target acquired. Cut to Grif running '' '''Grif': Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit... Cut to Simmons '' '''Simmons': Two... Cut to view from the tank, locking on to Grif's back '' '''Sheila': Target locked. Cut to Church running toward the Warthog Cut to Simmons '' '''Simmons': Three! (turns around, sees Grif running) Oh, you back-stabbing cock bite! Sheila: Firing main cannon. Tank fires, blows up the Warthog right in front of Grif '' '''Simmons': (next to tank) Son of a bitch! Grif: (next to jeep) SON OF A BITCH! Church: (near jeep) Son of a bitch! Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires) Simmons: Shit! Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires) Simmons: Dammit! Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires) Cut to Church running back up to meet Tucker '' '''Tucker': Hey dude, the jeep blew up. Church: No kidding. Thanks for the update, Tucker. Cut to Grif and Simmons hiding out behind a rock '' '''Sheila': Firing main cannon. (fires, hits the rock) Simmons: (Quotes Grif) Hey, I have a great idea. Let's get out of the jeep, and sneak around the back of the rock... Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires, hits the rock) Simmons:...Great plan you idiot! Cut to view from the tank, scanning the rock '' '''Sheila': All targets eliminated. Acquiring new target. Turret starts panning up and to the left '' ''Cut to Church and Tucker, Church standing in the open looking down at the tank '' '''Church': Hey Tucker, look at this, man: it's the rookie! And he brought tank out to scare off the reds. Tucker: What? No way! Church: Hey rookie, good job man! Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank? Sheila: New target acquired. (spinning turret around at Church) Cut to view from the tank, slowly panning up the cliffside at Church '' '''Rookie': That's not a target. That's Church. Church: Yeah, that's right, it's me, Church! What's going on, man! Sheila: (locking on to Church) Target locked. Cut to Rookie in the driver's seat of the tank '' '''Rookie': What? No. Target unlock. Unlock! Please help me nice lady. Sheila: Firing main cannon. Rookie: Uh oh... Tucker: Uh oh... Church: What? Oh, son of a bi- Tank fires, hits Church, throws him sprawling, high up in the air. Church lands back on the ledge again '' '''Tucker': Holy fuck! Church, are you okay? Talk to me, Church! You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard! Sheila: Auto-fire sequence deactivated. Church: (dying) Tucker! ...Tucker! Tucker: Church! It's going to be okay, man. Church: No. Ah... I'm na, I'm not gonna make it. Tucker, there's something I need to tell you. Tucker: What is it? Church: I just want you to know, I always hated you. I always hated you the most. Tucker: Yeah, I know you did. Now hurry up and die, you prick. Church: Okay. Herk...Bleah! Trivia *This episode marks the first time the Blood Gulch intro is used. Video Category: Season 1 Category: Episodes